Funny Picture of a Medieval Butcher

Butcher Jokes, Meaty Puns, Meat Packer Humor
Make the cut with beefy butcher humor, butchered puns, and the wurst meat market jokes.

Meat Market Jokes, Butcher Shop Puns, Meat LOLs
(Because Prime Puns and Juicy Jokes Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream When You're Steaking Out the Meat Counter!)

Q. How did the butcher's conference begin?
A. With a meat and greet.

Slogan at the local meat market: A good butcher knows how to handle his meat.

Q. What is it called when a butcher suddenly quits his job?
A. Going cold turkey.

Q. How can you tell a night watchman and a butcher apart?
A. One stays awake, and the other weighs a steak.

Q. What did the frustrated butcher say when he discovered he didn't have the right utensil to cut through the side of beef?
A. Knife's too short.

Q. What happened when the butcher decided to make sausage from sea bird meat?
A. It was a tern for the wurst.

Q. What do butchers call a phobia of German sausage?
A. Fearing the Wurst!

Q. Whis Medieval knight was a butcher?
A. Sir Loin.

Q. What is every butcher's favorite song lyric?
A. Is it meat you're looking for?

Q. What happens when two butchers fall in love?
A. They live together in holy meatrimony!

Meat Market Customer: I'll have two pork chops, and make them lean.
Butcher: Okay. Which way?

Q. How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A. Meet Patty!

Q. What did the butcher say to the vegan?
A. Sorry, I can't listen to your rantings right now, while more important things are at steak.

Q. What did the butcher say to his mistress when it was over?
A. We have to stop meating like this.

Q. What does a butcher call a cow up on a hill?
A. High steaks.

Q. What do your butcher call it when criminals are being fed awful sheep meat while in jail?
A. Mutton for punishment.

Butcher Shop Slogan: Seven days without meat makes one weak.

Q. Which song to butchers sing on the job?
A. Gristle While You Work.

Q. How was the Transylvanian butcher murdered?
A. A steak through the heart.

Q. Why was the anti social guy fired from his job at the butcher store?
A. He just wasn't meating enough people.

Q. What is a Scottish butcher's favorite song?
A. I've Got Plenty of Mutton.

Q. What did the beef steak gossip say to the pork chop at the meat market?
A. Did you meet Frank's new girlfriend, Patty? I hear they're engaged to be marinated.

Q. What do the butcher get when he crossed a pig and a tortoise?
A. A slow pork!

Q. Why wouldn't the baker play poker with the guys at the butcher shop?
A. Because the steaks were too high.

Q. What did the butcher say when she found a penny on the street?
A. That's better than mutton!

Q. What is the slogan at the new Green Bay bodybuilder gym that's exclusively for for butchers and meat packers?
A. Beef-It!

Q. Why did the meat packer give up his gig at the comedy club?
A. Because he butchered all his jokes.

Q. Why did the butcher comedian do so well at Denver Comedy Works?
A. 'Cause he was a real cut-up!

Q. Why did the butcher decide not to cross the road?
A. He didn't want to brisket!

Q. What did the butcher get when he crossed a dog and a cow?
A. Hound Beef!

Q. Why did the skeleton go to the meat market?
A. To get a spare rib.

Q. A weed grow next to the butcher shop was on fire. How did Denver TV news describe the scene?
A. High steaks!

Q. Why was the butcher fired?
A. He kept playing with his meat in front of customers.

Q. How do you describe it when you miss the summer sale at the local meat market?
A. A big missed steak.

Butcher's Ode to Beef: Dear Beef, Hot coals are red, gas flames are blue, but when it comes to meat, all I want is you.

Q. How do gossipy bucthers spend their time?
A. They chew the fat.

Baloney Butcher Shop Point to Ponder: Is an argument between two vegans still called a beef?

Q. How do the butcher throw the best pig roast ever?
A. He went whole hog!

Q. What do you get from the snooty butcher if you ask for a cut of pork?
A. The cold shoulder.

Q. Why did the guy quit his job at the sausage factory?
A. 'Cause the work was the wurst!

S-A-L-A-D: That's a funny way to spell Butcher Shop!

Q. Whay are German butchers such terrible comedians?
A. Because their jokes are the wurst.

Q. Why were the rib eye steaks in the butcher's meat locker embarrassed?
A. They saw the salad dressing.

Q. What is a great name for a butcher?
A. Chuck.

Q. What do butchers call it when a vegetarian reverts to eating meat again?
A. Losing one's veg-inity!

Q. What is it called when you have a serious problem with your butcher?
A. A big beef.

Q. What does your butcher call hamburger meat that was cooked in too much water?
A. Drowned beef.

Q. What does your butcher go camping in?
A. A Wiener-Bago!

Q. Why didn't the butcher comedian tell jokes about sausages?
A. Because they're the deli wurst.

Q. What do customers call the lady butvher who screws up their orders?
A. Miss Steak.

Meat Market Customer: Is it proper to eat BBQ ribs with your fingers?
Butcher: No, fingers should be eaten separately!

Q. Do old comedian butchers ever die?
A. No, they just go on cutting up.

Q. Why did the old butcher decide to retire?
A. He was past his prime.

Did you hear about the butcher who couldn't login to a website using his new password: beefstew? The site error said: Password isn't stroganoff.

Red Hot Meat Market Humor: Brought a new grill home last night. She's a real gas and she's really hot, especially after you turn her on!

Q. Why do Alabama meat markets avoid buying Colorado beef?
A. Because the steaks are too, too high.

Q. What happens when a butcher laughs too hard?
A. He cow-lapses!

Q. Where do butchers go to dance?
A. The meatball.

Q. Which day of the week does your butcher dread most?
A. Meatless Monday.

Q. What do you call it when you get distracted by all the different meats at the butcher shop?
A. A short attention Spam.

Q. What happens after old butchers die?
A. They all meat up in the afterlife.

Q. What is a butcher's favorite Bruce Springsteen song?
A. Born in the USDA.

Q. Why did the give up his dream of becoming a butcher?
A. He just didn't have the chops.

Q. How can a butcher tell if beef steaks have a high I.Q.?
A. They loin fast.

Q. How difficult is the butcher's recipe for making beef jerky?
A. It's cut and dry.

Q. Why did the butcher have to work so much overtime?
A. To make ends meat.

Q. Who is the horniest guy in town?
A. The butcher. He's always beating his meat.

Q. What do you call a sneaky thief who steals from a meat market?
A. A hamburgler.

Q. What did the butcher say at the end of a first date?
A. It was really nice meating you.

Q. What is a butcher's favorite fairy tale?
A. Hansel and Gristle.

Q. Why don't butchers like tofu or dildos?
A. Because they're meat substitutes.

Meaty Point to Ponder: Wouldn't you think there'd be more online butcher jokes about Spam?

Q. Where are the out-takes from the new butcher shop documentary?
A. On the cutting room floor.

Q. How did the butcher stop criminals from stealing beef at the meat market?
A. He used a burger alarm.

Did you hear about the butcher who slipped and broke his prime rib?

Q. What is it called a butcher spies on his competitor's meat market?
A. A steak out.

Patty: What do you do for a living?
Chuck: Im a butcher.
Patty: So, you have no heart?
Chuck: Are you criticizing me or placing an order?

Butcher Shop Point to Ponder: Did you know that cows are vegetarians so that you don't have to be?

Q. Which Star Wars jedi was a butcher?
A. Obi Wan Baloney.

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